July 1

Before I begin this post I just want to say that I don’t know for certain that there is exactly 12,189,798 cones because obviously I did not count them….. although because of the slight OCD (mentioned in a previous article) I could very well have done. I would have died trying though. But anyway, what is life without a bit of exaggeration? :) And in my defence there is a fuck load of cones!

My journey out of my road gives me 15 seconds of cone-free peace before I join onto the weird, short dual carriageway. From here on, all the way down, over one small roundabout, down to the lights and on to the next busy roundabout are the millions of cones blocking off one lane, even onto the roundabout!

Now, I am English and normally when faced with any queue I stand like everyone else, silently angry, wanting to kill the cashier in the Post Office (the king of the queue), but in the car you can GET FUCKED!! I have somewhere to be! And this road right where I happen to live is the one to town and is always busy. So whatever time I need to go out, I have to leave myself an extra 15 minutes because of the traffic. I find this highly inconvienent to my life when those 15 minutes could be far better spent in the warmth and comfort of my bed.

I could bear this nuisance better if it wasn’t for the fact that I have been on this road many times, at all different hours, over many different days, and I haven’t seen 1 fucking worker! And, even stranger still, the roads that have been coned off look EXACTLY the same as they did before.

To add to my incredibly petty annoyance, it always seems to be my luck that I get an old person ahead of me that is scared to drive and so we all, 2 lanes of traffic already shoved into one, begin trailing along at 20mph. Why do these olds want to ruin my life?!! If you’re too scared to drive, fucking don’t! It’s so simple! And even seeing a blue-haired granny bobbing around in the back-seat does NOTHING for calming me down. Especially when you get that old bag who turns round with that smug look her on face. You know, the one where her face looks like it’s caving in.¬† Not only do I try to take consolation in the fact she will be dead soon (awful, I know), but I then begin to hope that her incompetent husband driver will be distracted by pulling his smug face at me in the mirror and hit a cone. 1 down, (oldie and the cone) 12,189,796 to go! :)

My life right now...