July 30

A long title, I know, but I just couldn’t sum up my feelings this clearly in less words. And YES, we are back to some good ol’ moaning! What do I hate today?? Well it is the surge in “alter egos” in music today that fails to grasp what I believe the whole point is of the “alter ego”, not the mention the surge of 10 minute music videos that don’t fit the song at all but who fucking cares because I’m odd, quirky, interesting and arty (thanks Lady Gaga) or 10 minute videos that are just incredibly embarrassing and cheesy with acting so terrible I am physically blushing for the artists! (Katy Perry, and, well Gaga again).

Maybe I’m old-fashioned or just plain weird, but when I think of alter egos in music I think of there being a change in music style than the usual and (perhaps) a change in appearance that reflects the change of music that is actually serious and not just an over-the-top, cringeworthy and stereotypical creation that Katy Perry has inflicted on us recently. Take Ziggy Stardust for example. I mean, I’m not a Bowie fan (just a personal preference!) but one of his talents is his ability to reinvent himself and Ziggy Stardust was hugely successful as an alter ego. However, recently Katy Perry, Beyonce and even Justin Bieber have ventured into creating alter egos which in my opinion is not only disastrous but to be honest I think that we could all do without as they are, let alone with them creating other identities to torture us with.

Now, first of all, I NEVER thought I’d ever fucking say this and I doubt it will ever happen again so here goes: As far as the Bieber is concerned I think that he should receive less of a piss-take ONLY because he at least had the bollocks to try something different with his music. Yup, Justin has tried his hand at “rap”. Believe me, my first instinct on hearing about this was to laugh and then when hearing it my second instinct was to, well, laugh but JUST as I was about to rip him a new one my boyfriend annoyingly but rightly pointed out that actually Justin has conformed to what I believe is a “proper” alter ego by actually trying something different with his music. That was annoying. The result is terribly cheesy and the fact that he has called his alter ego “Shawty Mane” just makes me want to enter into a tirade about how FUCKING ANNOYING he is but now is not the post. So Mr. Bieber, you have got away with it for now…..

Anyway, moving on to the real culprits of  alter ego shame are Katy Perry and Beyonce. Let’s start with Beyonce. Or should I say “Sasha Fierce”. I really shouldn’t get started on the absolute cheese-ness of the name because otherwise we’ll be here all day. My point here is I REALLY couldn’t tell the fucking difference between “Sasha Fierce” and “Beyonce”. First of all she looked EXACTLY the same and her music style sounded EXACTLY the same!! She’s done many songs combining elements of dance music with R&B, Pop, Rock and Jazz and singing about “Girl Power!”. So where EXACTLY was the difference between Beyonce and Sasha Fierce?! And I know that all her fans would probably say “Oh but it’s more dance-y” Or “It’s more aggressive”. Well, I’ve had more aggressive shits. Thank God that she got rid of her “alter ego” OR “attempt at getting more money out of people”. Because I can’t imagine it would have worked any longer if her alter ego was really just “Beyonce” but louder…. or quieter…. NO ONE FUCKING KNOWS!

Worst offender however is Katy Perry for her unbelievable, stereotypical, cheesy and appalling alter ego “Kathy Beth Terry”. Kathy Beth Terry is (supposed to be) a geeky 13 year old. She has braces with all the headgear, nerdy glasses and wears the usual stereotypical geeky clothes. In the horribly long music video for the song “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F), “Kathy” wakes up to find her home in disarray and soon she begins to remember what happened the night before. I’m not going to describe all the video for you as it will take too long and I will put it below this paragraph so you can watch it for yourself. So, here are the things I think are wrong with it. First, is she actually taking the piss out of geeks or trying to relate with them? Because the over-the-top ridiculous way she is dressed e.t.c is so unrealistic and like NO-ONE I have ever seen before! I NEVER saw geeks like that at school. And my boyfriend is a geek and yet he looks NOTHING like the geek “love-interest” portrayed in the video. Yeah, I know it’s a video so it isn’t meant to be accurate but it’s easy to think that she is actually just laughing at people like that which I think is fucking awful. Especially because at the end of the day she can just take it all off and be “pretty katy perry” whereas people who are actually called “geeks” at school spend years being bullied.

Second, the entire message of the video is that NO-ONE will even look once at you if you’re a geek, you’ll have basically no friends and the boys won’t be interested in you unless you change the way you look. I say this because the boy that “Kathy” likes only likes her when she changes into a hideous slutty outfit and the geeky boy that loves Kathy is completely ignored by her throughout the whole video, even though he beats up the “Jock” in order to protect her. So a summary here is that if you’re a geeky girl and you want to be liked just dress like a slut instead and VOILA!

Aside from that she is supposed to be 13 and yet ALL of the people at the party look about 23!! If my dad knew I was hanging around with 23 year olds when I was 13 I’d be in so much shit! Aside from that she changes into a slutty outfit. I’m 22 and if I was with my parents trying to go out dressed like she is even now my dad would force me upstairs to change! And then the bastard guy is seen touching her arse and when Kathy wakes up in the morning he is partially undressed in her bed. SHE’S SUPPOSED TO BE 13! So is he a pedophile then?! Oh and then Kathy’s “parents” walk in to find their “13 year old daughter” in bed with a bloke and aside from making bad jokes they don’t seem bothered. WHAT?!! My dad would probably kill the guy and I would be grounded for probably 20 years!!  I know it’s a music video and it’s not supposed to be realistic but COME ON! Katy Perry’s alter ego is a cheesy, unrealistic-looking geek that no one likes or fancies until she dresses like a slut whilst she ignores the guy that actually loves her to be with the popular arsehole! And she’s 13. I’m not really sure what message she is trying to put out there with this but surely she must realise that young people watch this shit.

Aside from the fact that her alter ego is morally fucked-up, her video also leads in to my annoyance at 10 minute long music videos. When she wasn’t singing her absolutely SHITE song the acting was TERRIBLE! Katy Perry cannot act to save her life which is pretty bad as it means she can’t even portray the character of Kathy Beth Terry in a “it-doesn’t-matter-if-I’m-shit-coz-it’s-just-a-bit-of-fun” way and make her at all likeable or relatable.  And what was Corey Feldman doing in it!! After actually being good in movies such as “Stand by me”, “The Goonies” and “The Lost Boys” he lowers himself to starring in Katy Perry’s music video. And the worst moment was on seeing the boy sleeping in his “daughters bed” he makes the most cringeworthy joke possible by asking her “why is there a lost boy in your bed” in reference to his own movie! Oh my god! My cheeks actually when red when watching that, it was so bad. To top it off, it starred actors from “Glee”. That about tips it over the edge now into “What a fucking joke”.

Aside from Katy Perry I am totally fed up with Lady Gaga. I really can’t be bothered to discuss all of her shitty music videos to her shitty songs. But the fact is every single song she releases now she has to make a mini movie out of it. “Telephone” was bad enough. Not only was Lady Gaga’s acting laughable but it was trying so hard to be artistic and edgy that it just looked ridiculous. And the dialogue was fucking awful and cheesy. And every video just gets weirder and weirder. I mean, her song “Born this way” has the most bizarre video, filled with cheesy dialogue but looking weird and creepy only for this upbeat, dance song to appear that didn’t fit at all with the video! How is she as big as she is?!! Her songs are no better than any other pop crap out there right now. Her lyrics are fairly empty and uninspiring. I understand that not all songs should be deep or depressing but every single song of hers she has released is just lyrics of nothing. All of her songs sound the same, just like every other artist out there. Also, there were moments in her latest song “Judas” that sounded a lot like “Bad Romance”. I know, because I subjected myself to at least 6 songs of hers. I just can’t see why she is so praised and popular. I’m guessing that it’s just because she dresses and behaves as WEIRD as she possibly fucking can and because the world is now full of sheep with one brain cell between the lot of them that they lap the shit up. It’s sad that in todays society Lady fucking Gaga is our youngsters role model. Fair enough there are people that like her songs WHILST having a varied music taste. It’s the people that worship her like she’s a God that I don’t understand. If anyone else wandered round wearing meat to prove a point would be taken to the local nut house. But when Lady Gaga does it, it’s so smart. Eventually it will come to the point where she comes on stage smeared in shit and people will still worship her. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THE WORLD!

I won’t lie, I have a varied music taste with some cheese. BUT artists which I respect (I don’t “worship” anyone) are artists that make me feel things with their music. You don’t see Florence and the Machine acting as weird as they can to sell more music. Or creating alter egos to get more money. It’s funny though that when you step back, mainstream music with lyrics of shite are the most popular and yet music that actually says something is always less successful. It’s crazy.

Well, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry and all the rest of that rubbish can kiss my arse. I think I’m going to stick to “The Smiths” thanks. They can keep Beyonce and her alter ego, “Beyonce” too.

Now let’s have some real music!