July 19

So I’ve been away awhile which is something I didn’t intend and am sorry for this! I’ll probably elaborate on this in another post but for the moment I’m just going to focus on one of the things I’ve been doing whilst away as it’s caused my boyfriend and I a bit of a problem to say the least.

So a while ago we had a family member of mine and his girlfriend come to stay with us. While they were here, we all had a great time together and were sad to see them go. But all this has been kind of ruined by the fact that since they’ve been gone we’ve discovered that a valuable item of ours has gone missing and sadly it’s starting to look like one of them has taken it.

Before I start, I should explain that I am not the sort of person to accuse people of things left right and centre without exhausting all other possibilities first. In fact, I have never accused anyone of stealing from me, or of anything else for that matter in my life. If something’s gone missing I’ve always just assumed I’ve misplaced it and that it will turn up eventually which it always does. This hasn’t happened this time however.

So now onto the facts. The item I’m referring to has spent a month or so sitting on my boyfriend’s desk and this I know for an absolute fact as I’ve seen it there everyday with my own eyes for this last month. The evening before my relative and his girlfriend arrived, my boyfriend moved it into our filing cabinet that’s just filled with old papers so he was sure it would be safe there and he wouldn’t lose it. My relative comes with his girlfriend, they sleep in this room alone and less than a week after they leave my boyfriend goes into the filing cabinet to get some papers and it’s not there any more. My boyfriend, who was 100% certain he had put it there, then tentatively asked if I thought they could have taken but I said that we should look for it first before jumping to conclusions and accusing people. So that’s what we’ve done and will try again, but it’s nowhere to be found.

I decided to speak to my parents and get their perspective on it and they just believe my boyfriend has moved it without realising it or it’s fallen down the back of the cabinet: Basically anything other than the fact it’s been stolen, but as time goes on it’s starting to look like it has been stolen and I’m going to explain why.

First of all, we’re 100% sure it hasn’t got lost when we’ve been out and about from the flat. We know it for a fact as, as I mentioned above, it has sat on my boyfriend’s desk for a month where we’ve seen it everyday and have never taken it out of the flat as there was no need to. So we can officially rule this out. That leaves 2 options: we’ve misplaced it and forgotten where it is or it’s been stolen by them.

So now onto why I’m sure it’s not been misplaced. Everyone at some point or another puts something somewhere only to find it’s missing when you go to get it later and normally it ends up in a completely different place to where you thought you put it. This can happen when you’re in a rush or distracted or if you put it there months ago. But here’s the issue with this. First of all, this item is not something my boyfriend would just shove somewhere and forgot about like it’s not important. He is paranoid about things like that to the point of OCD and does his best to look after them. That’s why it sat on his desk all that time before putting it somewhere he thought was safe. Second, he put this item which he considered really fucking important in this cabinet less than 2 weeks before we went in there and found it missing. So it’s not like a long time passed where he could have moved it without thinking and forgotten where he’d moved it to. He put it there and then about 11 days later he realised it was missing. On top of that, on the evening he put it in the cabinet he actually told me he had put it there and lastly neither him nor I went in that cabinet from the time he put it in there to the time he noticed it missing, so it isn’t like I moved it or anything like that. So for all these reasons my boyfriend is sure he put it there and hasn’t moved it and forgotten which is why it was so shocking to find it missing.

However, to be sure, I told him it was important for us to look everywhere before we start accusing people as it’s a serious thing to accuse someone of. So we emptied the cabinet and it wasn’t there. We checked to see if it had fallen down the back of the drawer and it hadn’t. We then looked in every drawer, cabinet, shelf we could think of and unless he decided the best place for the expensive item was in the dirty wash basket with his dirty fucking pants, it’s not in the flat. Despite this though, we’re still not ready to mention it to my relative yet as we both want to be certain it’s not here before doing that so we will spend the next few days looking as well to be sure.

Another thing to consider is that since the item was put in this cabinet, no one else has been in our flat other than my relative and his partner and therefore they were the only ones who could have done it and had the opportunity to do it as they were alone in the room where the cabinet was every night.

So let’s do a summary of where we stand:

  1. It hasn’t be lost outside which we know is 100% certain meaning it must be somewhere in the flat or has been taken out of the flat by someone which neither my boyfriend or I have done.
  2. It is highly unlikely it’s actually been misplaced – my boyfriend is paranoid about this item, he told me he put it in the cabinet for safe-keeping and did this only 11 days before seeing it was missing which doesn’t leave a lot of days to forget what you’ve done with it.
  3. Neither of us went in the cabinet from the time the item was put in there until the day we saw it was gone.
  4. After looking we haven’t found it in the flat.
  5. These two people were the only ones with access to it and the opportunity to take it.

Now I’m not saying 100% that they took it. Unless they actually told us they had, we’ll never know 100% anyway. But is it fair to consider the possibility they have looking at the facts above? Because I feel that it could be the case.

As I said, at the moment neither my boyfriend or I are ready to accuse or even sure if we will, but sadly the possibility is there that they have taken it. What we plan to do is search completely thoroughly for the next 4 days leaving no stone unturned to be sure we’ve given ourselves plenty of time to find it and have looked properly and if it’s still not there then we’re going to have to really consider the possibility they’ve taken it as if it isn’t here the only answer is that they have.

As I mentioned before, I tried mentioning it to my parents for advice and it didn’t go too well. I explained everything I’ve explained to you. I made a point of saying that I’m not saying 100% they took it but that it’s definitely a possibility and if in the next few days after looking again we don’t find it it can only mean that but UNTIL THEN we’re not saying it’s that or accusing yet or anything. Of course they both think the answer is that we misplaced it because nearly always in cases like this that is the answer, and that’s fine, but it seems they’re not even prepared to consider it’s been stolen. When I explained that it’s not here and if we don’t find it it can only mean they took as they’re the only ones who were here, my dad then told me that my parents mentioned it to both of them by asking if they had accidentally picked it up when packing thinking it was one of their phones, they both looked innocent and for that reason he’s 100% sure they didn’t take it?! What the fuck! I should say now that we suspect the relative’s girlfriend of taking it way more than my relative as my relative has stayed in our home before with no problems.

Anyway, my dad then tells me that what more likely happened is that someone broke in and took only this one item because he didn’t want to steal something big and have to carry it. What this means is that someone kicked our door down, and if you saw our door you’d know that that is the only way you could force it open, walked past an xbox he could carry, past 2 tablets he could carry, started looking in a filing cabinet that people store fucking papers in, found the item, stole it and then fixed the door behind him and somehow found a pair of housekeys (which aren’t in the house when we’re not there) and locked the now-fixed door behind him so we’d never know. And THAT is more likely to him than if it isn’t lost, they took it. Seriously? Talk about denial. And then he continued to repeat about 10 times in a row that my relative’s girlfriend, who he’s met just a handful of times, looked innocent so for that he’s 100% certain she didn’t do it! That’s so stupid! That’s like us saying she’d definitely stolen it and we’re 100% certain before even looking for it! And if she’s someone who doesn’t have any issues stealing something valuable like that, she won’t have any issues when the idea that the item’s missing crops up. But what upset me is that we’re not saying 100% she did! In fact, as I said, we don’t even want to settle on any idea until we have looked more to be sure we haven’t just missed it and it’s lying around the flat. The best thing for us as well would be for it to just be misplaced because my silly boyfriend moved it and forgot that he moved it and for us to find it as that would mean we would still have the item and we wouldn’t have been betrayed by my family! We’d love that conclusion! And of course, there is a chance it’s somewhere in the flat but with the facts I’ve told you about we also have to consider the possibility that it’s been taken. What upsets me is that my dad is not even willing to consider the possibility it’s been taken, not say it has but just accept that it could have been, and instead just completely trusts a person he doesn’t even know and tells me what probably happened instead is that the nicest fucking robber in the world broke in, stole it, left all the more expensive things and then was lovely enough to fix the broken door behind him. It’s like he’s in complete denial and it hurts me because where is the support? If it isn’t here it can only mean they took it and this is incredibly upsetting for my boyfriend and I, especially as in order to have taken it they would have had to be snooping through our things in the first place. So yeah, if he believes we’ve most likely lost it, that’s fine, but what hurts is that there is a chance we’ve been stolen from yet he wants to ignore it and completely side with my relative’s girlfriend with no proof other than she looks innocent! Oh, and then he said if they admit to having taken it ‘by accident’ I should give them the benefit of the doubt. Well no fucking way because in order to have taken it ‘by accident’ they would have had to be snooping through our things. What would their excuse be then? They accidentally opened the drawer, stuck their hand in, took the phone and then dropped it into their bag. It’s hardly a fucking accident.

On top of that, he then told me he’d give us the money for the lost item because he doesn’t want any family problems. As I explained to him, it isn’t about the monetary value of it so I don’t want his money and I basically felt like he was just trying to get me to say nothing about it and cause no fuss, even if it means his daughter’s been stolen from. So again, where’s the fucking support?

And if that wasn’t enough I then had my mum getting upset about it, saying how it would destroy her if I accuse them of it as the family can never be the same again as Christmas will always be a problem and I won’t have a relationship with this family member anymore so basically a guilt trip. I then explained to her that however she feels, my boyfriend and I will always feel worse and have the worst time. If they have taken it, if we accuse them of it they’re obviously not going to admit it and in cases like this unless you catch them red-handed you can never prove it but if it’s not in our flat that is the only alternative. If we accuse, we cause massive issues in the family and quite rightly things can never be the same again. If we say nothing though, the situation doesn’t change for my parents, however I don’t think I could and I don’t see why my boyfriend should have to see them and act like happy families with people we believe have stolen from us. It will make me ill. So we’re fucked no matter what. But my parents don’t seem to care about that, they just want everything to stay the same. I bet though if this had happened in their home, with their things, they wouldn’t want to just forget it and continue to welcome them in their home acting like nothing’s happened. My dad would be fucking livid for a start! But the way they’re acting, it’s like we’re the bad guys! Despite the fact I’ve never accused anyone of anything even remotely like this in my life, I have reason to suspect it’s been taken and there is a possibility they took it and I’m not going to do anything until we’ve looked for DAYS so there’s no doubt, I am being made to feel like the bad guy for being upset that they might have stolen from me. I just can’t fucking believe it.

Oh, and then as a last ditch attempt to convince me to do nothing about it, even if we turn the flat upside down and it’s vanished, my mum tried to tell me that my argument against them wouldn’t hold up in court and she’s right! It wouldn’t! But as I said to her, would their defense argument of ‘ she looked innocent so that’s enough for me!’ hold up either?! At least I’ve got some sort of circumstantial evidence!

Anyway, it’s just awful for us at the moment as obviously there’s no way we could ever prove it but if it isn’t here it can only be that they’ve taken it. If that’s the case, we then have to decide what to do and whatever we do will be horrible for us.

I’ll keep you guys posted on how this develops. Hopefully we’ll find the phone here and I can just call my boyfriend some names and this awful situation will be over. Sadly though, I won’t hold my breath.