August 7

Warning: I was really annoyed when writing this post and it is full of swear words to the point where it makes my other posts look suitable for children so if swearing offends you my advice is that you fuck off quickly and don’t read any further!

Apart from the Post Office which will always remain the number 1 place to go if you want to get so angry and annoyed that it seems justified to cry in frustration and hopelessness, the supermarket is a place full of so many annoying, inconsiderate fucking tossers that I actually start losing the will to live from the moment I set foot in there. It’s like all the worlds most irritating people shuffle over there and then make it their life’s mission to try and force as many innocents toward suicide as possible.

The worst thing is, it isn’t just one sort of person that pisses me off. There’s loads. So where to begin?

How about with that annoying stuck-up prick that blocks a whole aisle off with his trolley without even thinking that there are other people in the supermarket who may need water, you know, to live. This can be a woman or a man, for all I care it could be a flying pig, just move your fucking trolley! And when you ask them politely to move it they look at you like you’re a disgusting peasant who has dared to talk to them and then they move their trolley the tiniest amount while eyeing you up with disgust. All because you ask them to move their trolley a few inches to the left. And at this point I’m livid, because as much as I want the trolley moved, now an inch to the left is no good anymore. Where I want to move it is so far up the arsehole’s arse that I can use them as a trolley extension and wheel them round the shop with me.

Linked to this wanker are the people who spot their friend in an aisle and then decide to stand in the middle of the aisle with each person sticking their trolley out to one side so no one can get past them at all and you have to make a fucking detour to get a piece of cheese. They could move to the side, a different place in the supermarket or finish their shopping separately and then meet up at a cafĂ© or restaurant in the supermarket if there is one. But no. They prefer to block the aisle for the next 40 minutes while they chat about their boring lives, their feral children, how Bob has piles, basically information no one else gives a fuck about. How hard is it to move 4 steps and have the inane conversation there? It’s not. SO FUCKING MOVE THEN!!!

You then have the people who put their trolley against the sides of the aisle so the sauce that you really need for tonight’s dinner is completely out of reach. Worse thing is, they’re not even looking at the same thing as you. Maybe not even on the same side you are. Or the same aisle. And whereas I’d move if I could see some person trying to reach something I don’t need that my trolley is blocking, these people don’t. They keep looking for their shit while you stand there waiting, bring it to their trolley, read all the fucking label of it, drop it in the trolley, look at their list, cross the item off the list, put the list away, look around just to tempt me to murder, and then finally fuck off. I don’t wait anymore. I move the fucking trolley so I can reach what I want. If you don’t like it, I really don’t give a shit anymore .

Moving over to the tills, there are the people who wait at the end while all their food gets scanned through doing NOTHING, holding their bags but not packing them, waiting until the woman at the till has finished, then paying for their shopping and only at this moment do they start packing their fucking shit up! So you either have to stand there waiting for about 15 minutes for this one fucking wanker to finish and fuck off OR you get that really annoying employee who after taking that person’s money starts scanning your stuff through when there’s no room for you or your shopping because the previous fucker’s still there!! And the previous person never rushes to pack their shit away when they see yours being scanned. No, they do it one fucking item at a time like they’ve got all the time in the world. And if that wasn’t enough, when everything is packed they then spend 2 minutes checking the receipt over to make sure they haven’t been charged too much. And they can’t move a few inches away so the next person can deal with their stuff because that’s too easy and polite! Instead they just stand right in the way to be the most rude and inconsiderate as possible! Arseholes.

I had an annoying experience like that today. A woman waited until a quarter of her food had been scanned through before saying that she needed to bring her carrier bags in from her car. She left her trolley back where you put your food so no one else could put their food down. Luckily my boyfriend is French so they don’t put up with that shit so he shoved it forward so we could put our food down. She then walks the slowest she could manage to the car without not actually going anywhere, dawdled out and then dawdled back in. By the time she got back to the till the food had all been scanned and we’d been waiting about a minute. She then packs 3 things, one at a time, stops to pay and then continues packing at the same slow pace. On the outside I was calm, on the inside I’m screaming HURRY THE FUCK UP YOU INCONSIDERATE, RUDE FUCKING ARSEHOLE!!!!

Also at the till you get those people who wait until the person at the till tells them how much the food comes to before taking out their wallet or purse. Sometimes they then even try to find the exact amount, rummaging around for 5p. Just give them a tenner and move on for the love of God!

And if all that wasn’t bad enough, you then sometimes get horrible feral children bumping into you, running into you, while their parents are fuck knows where. The kids could be abducted! But then you see the parents and sometimes they’re really fucking horrible, swearing and insulting each other so everyone can hear and it all makes sense as the parents are probably hoping someone abducts the kids so they can be shot of them.

And how can I forget the person that waits until all their stuff has been scanned before ‘remembering’ that they need 5 more things and then dawdle off for the next 15 minutes browsing while looking for it. Meanwhile you can’t change aisle because you’ve already put all of your shopping down ready to be scanned. That’s why you make a fucking list!

That’s all I can think of at the moment but if any of you can think of any annoying type of person that I missed, let me know!