November 27

For a while I’ve been trying my best to be a buddhist. In some ways, it’s not hard. Fundamentally it’s about being a good person, being compassionate and kind to others and learning to be happy yourself and let go of the past. And that is just a really shitty summary! So please go and check it out properly! But anyway, as I said, in some ways it’s not hard. Wishing happiness for most people in my life is very easy. Keeping the precepts is easy. Not killing bugs and insects and arachnids is a bit harder. Wishing happiness and showing compassion for some other people is hard. Doing that for my sister-in-law is IMPOSSIBLE! And if I try, my mind is telling me ‘you don’t mean that, you liar!’

I have explained in another post a big reason why I have a problem with her. In short, she may have stolen from us. I explained all the details behind this in the other post which you can read if you want. Suffice to say, it is highly likely she stole but as we didn’t catch her in the act or anything we can’t go round accusing. But in me, I’m fairly certain. So being all friendly and nice is already pretty difficult. But for the fact that I can’t say 100% she did, I’m not going to discuss it here as a reason why she makes my blood boil. I’ll only mention the other million things she does instead.

Where to start……. how about with the bad way she treats my brother. She bullies him into so many things he doesn’t want to do. He’s spent all his life saying he doesn’t want to get married or have kids. She does. Suddenly he’s ‘changed his mind’. After about 26 years of being adamant. But I know he really hasn’t because just recently when he was out with my mum and some kid started screaming, he turned to my mum and told that her that that was the reason he didn’t want kids as he had no patience for them. So he clearly didn’t change his mind! But he’ll tell us he has so we never feel bad towards her. She also bullied him into getting a pet. They have no money. Their flat is small. He said he definitely didn’t want one as they stink your home out. Suddenly he’s ‘changed his mind’ aka ‘got told what was happening’ and they’ve got one. He didn’t want to live where they do now. It added an extra hour on to his work day in commuting. It happened to be 2 minutes walk from where she worked. Guess what happened? They moved there! And he got told he was selfish for not wanting to. I’m guessing she meant he was selfish for trying to stop her being selfish? She tries to stop him seeing his friends. When he’s on his own with my family she calls him about 3 times in 1 evening and texts him non-stop. And she can’t bear to be apart from him for 5 minutes. 1 christmas she had to work on boxing day and my brother didn’t so he stayed with us for the day and was working the day after boxing day. Bear in mind his job was in the same town as my parents, she then started bugging him at 8pm boxing day night to come home! She wanted him to get a train home, arrive at theirs at 10pm and get up at 6am to go back to the town he came from to work.

But it’s not so much these things that prevent me from being buddhist towards her. Because he chose her. He made his bed so now he should lie in it. If this was all there was to it and she was nice to the rest of us I could cope with it. The problem comes from all this AND all the things she’s done to me and my family.

Again, where to start……. she’s a liar. She lies all the time. And not only to cover he own arse. To cause problems within my family. For example……. all of us have gone through an ugly period in our lives, usually when we’re young, and we all want the embarrassing photos to be hidden away at all times. Well, I went through this period and I also don’t want the photos to see the light of day! Luckily my mum is lovely and understanding and keeps them all hidden away, showing NO ONE including my aunts and uncles. I certainly didn’t want my SIL seeing it as she already has a problem with the way I look. I’m no supermodel and I don’t dress slutty or anything like that. But I am slim and my SIL is overweight so all the time she makes comments like she’s joking about how skinny I am and that she hates me for it e.t.c  Anyway, there’s been times with her where she’s tried to take photos of me secretly where I’m eating or something as if she’s trying to get an ugly one and when she finally got one, she put it on facebook. So obviously I did not want her seeing this awful photo of me as she would probably take a photo of it on her phone and put that on facebook too.

When I saw her one day she told me all excitedly that she had seen that dreadful photo of me. When I asked how, she told me my mum had got it out of the cupboard and showed it to her. I was livid with my mum as I couldn’t believe she would show it to someone and her of all people, only for my mum to tell me that she never showed my SIL! When she had gone in the cupboard to get something she had moved the photo out the way and put it face down on the floor only for my SIL to go and pick it up and look at it. And after hearing that I believed my mum as she would never do that to me and I couldn’t believe I thought otherwise in the first place. So why did she lie if not to cause trouble?

She then told my dad that her and my brother were going to move away to another country for a few years. She then told my mum the same story TWICE when I was in the same room hearing it all BOTH times. When my mum asked my brother about the fact they wanted to move, he had no idea what she was going on about and said they’d only talked about going on holiday, yet 3 times she told my family they were moving away for YEARS. When I confronted her about it, she obviously forgot I was there on 2 occasions and told me my mum had ‘misunderstood’. Which was funny as she told my dad separately originally as well! Did they both misunderstand on 2 separate conversations?

One evening my parents called my brother on his mobile and she answered. When my dad asked to speak to my brother, she said he wasn’t there and hadn’t got back from work yet. She clearly forgot they’d called on his mobile because when my dad called her out on it she tried to cover her arse, saying that he was in fact home but was putting the bins out. Another lie.

There are other lies to mention in relation to one specific subject but I’ll do into detail with that later as it’s unbelievable!

She also is always trying to stop me talking to my brother. Despite how I feel about her, I have always been friendly and nice for my brother’s sake to the point where I’m sure she’s thought I like her. But her doing this has pissed me off.

I call my brother twice a week on the same days as we don’t see each other often as I live so far away. If I ever called their home phone when she was there, everything would be ok. Probably as she could hear our conversation. But on the times I would call when she wasn’t there, there was always an issue. The phones were ‘missing’ and he would find them in ridiculous places, like in the bathroom hidden under 3 towels. If it wasn’t that, the batteries would be dead as she would have ‘accidentally’ turned off both bases at the wall. Oh, and when I did call when she was there, she would always pick the phone up. I would talk to her for 20 minutes to be polite but when I would ask to talk to my brother she’d keep refusing like it was a joke until it was awkward. Despite my feelings towards her, as I said, I’ve always been friendly. I wouldn’t have minded talking to her twice a month. But the truth is I call to talk to my brother I rarely see, not her and she was picking the phone up EVERY time.

We eventually started playing games online and talking via headphones on the xbox. He had recently moved in to his new flat and had put all his xbox things, including the headset and mic, into a box that he had put under the bed. He hadn’t opened the box since moving in as he didn’t have xbox live so had no use for it. The moment he had xbox live he went to get the headset from the box for us to play where it was missing. By luck, a friend of his found it under the sofa. Which was weird as he’d never used it in that flat and neither had she. So I’m guessing it walked there on its own?!

The worst time was when she tried to stop me being able to talk to my brother on my birthday. I’d text him back after he’d wish me a happy birthday and I was talking to her via text at the same time. I’d asked my brother if I could call him in half hours time to which he had said was fine. I told her the same thing and she said they wouldn’t be home in 30 minutes as they would be at her parents. I called 15 minutes later to be sure I could talk to him, talked to my brother, and when the 30 minute mark came they were still there. Her dad turned up and when I asked my brother if he needed to go, he said they’d still be at theirs for an hour as her dad was coming to fix something. So she lied to stop me talking to my brother. ON MY BIRTHDAY!

Then we have food….. My SIL apparently doesn’t like 90% of the food on the planet! She came with my brother to stay with us for a while. In the past, she told me she loves toast. And she loves ham sandwiches. But she hates cheese. So when we were going to have croque monsieur for dinner, she said we couldn’t eat it because of the cheese. So we offered to do hers with no cheese. She loves toast remember. She loves ham sandwiches. But she wouldn’t eat a toasted ham sandwich. So we take her to the supermarket to buy her something for dinner and she asks for…. a ham sandwich. On baguette bread. We also had to spend an extra 4 quid on a pizza for her to get one made with no cheese. But when she came christmas eve last christmas and desperately wanted a pizza with only 15 minutes to order one before the pizzeria shut, she chose a Margherita. Covered in cheese. And ate it all :-O

Now I don’t like mushroom. That means I don’t like mushroom on its own, as a soup, sauce, pie, whatever!

If it was just cheese, I’d get it. Everyone has some foods they don’t like. But if you ask her what she doesn’t like she’ll tell you 5 things. But EVERYTHING you give her has a problem. In every restaurant we go, EVERY TIME, she has to order something and then tell them to leave about 3 things off with it! In every different type of restaurant she apparently can’t find ONE MEAL she can just eat!! It’s ridiculous! She clearly does this to be awkward as it makes her feel important, as often just like the cheese thing, it never makes sense!

Our family all prefer rosé wine but we always have whites and reds at christmas. One christmas she was with us for christmas day and my dad gave her a rosé wine. She said she didn’t like rosé and only liked red, so he opened a bottle of red for her and poured her a glass. She then didn’t drink any of it so my parents had to throw it away and the bottle was wasted. The next year my dad didn’t want to waste a bottle again, so he came up to her when she was talking to me and asked what wine she wanted. Her answer. ‘I don’t know’. My dad didn’t want a repeat of the previous year so kept asking and she kept replying she didn’t know, meaning it was a fucking awkward conversation! It’s like she purposely didn’t want to choose so she could be awkward about it later. So to stop causing a problem my dad said that as she clearly didn’t have any preferences he’d be opening the rosé and no other type as he’d already checked with her, to which she answered ‘That’s fine as the rosé from last year was really nice!’ :-O She never drank the rosé! She lies so much she can’t keep track! But what is the point in doing things just to be awkward for people?! I just don’t get it!

The worst was when my mum was preparing tea and gave her a buttered roll. She opened it, stared at my mum and while looking her in the eye started scraping the butter off, as if to say ‘do me another one with less butter.’  I’d just eat it! It’s so rude!

She also spent all of last christmas telling us what SHE wanted to do and if we didn’t do it she sulked! In our family, we’re a democracy! We all do the things we want at some point but it’s always fair. She wanted us to do it all her way. It’s so rude! She’s like a spoiled brat!

To put some perspective here as well, I have NEVER been horrible to her. I’ve invited her to stay in my home and I’m always really friendly and nice to her despite how much she pisses me off. Not for her but for my brother. I answer her texts and I’ve spoken to her nicely on the phone. And I don’t understand what her issue is with my talking to my brother. I live far away from him so I see him rarely so I only get to chat to him on the phone. I don’t know why she would have a problem with that.

I’m sure I haven’t even mentioned everything annoying she’s done. She’s just so rude and disrespectful! And as I said, if she was just annoying to my brother I could cope with that! I wouldn’t like it but it would be his choice and his problem! But she interferes in my relationship with my brother, she’s rude and disrespectful to me and my family and she lies and it seems like she goes out of her way to be irritating on purpose. As more and more things happen, it’s just building and building up inside me and now I feel rage just thinking of the fact I’ll have to spend christmas with her.

My brother doesn’t know most of the shit that’s gone on but I don’t think I can tell him. I want to tell him all the lies and things but I don’t want to lose my brother so I haven’t said anything so far. But it’s eating me up inside as I hate having to smile at her and be nice to her and act like her friend when I know all the shit she’s done and I’m angry about it! It makes me feel like she goes around disrespecting us and gets away with it because no one calls her out on her bad behaviour! She’ll come to ours for christmas and have all the free food and loads of presents and she’ll treat us like shit while she’s there. It’s killing me having to tolerate someone I wouldn’t want to spend 5 minutes with in real life! As I’ll be nice to her like usual for the sake of my brother and I’m sure she’ll be pissing me off again.

If anyone can relate, please tell me your story in the comments and let me know how you’ve dealt with the annoying in-law!

This christmas is going to kill me………

Anyway, to sum it up, here is a picture that I think sums my feelings up! :-)

sister in law