May 28

Back to the old rant style videos! Let’s ruin my blood pressure a bit and get stuck in to why driving makes me rage and why at least 80% of people should just be banned from the road. As mentioned previously, I am a buddhist, or at least a buddhist in training because no matter how much I know I should have compassion for others, that people aren’t annoying on purpose e.t.c, the moment I get in my car and come face to face with any of the fuckers in this list it all goes out the window and all I feel is hatred and rage! I know that I should look at my mind and see why this triggers me and I probably will but I’m not perfect and right now I need to write this post and spew my venom nonetheless. I’ll take the karma hit on this.

The one speed wanker:

So getting this out now – I drive at the speed limit. I live in the UK and if I’m in a 30mph zone, I drive at 30. If it’s a 40 I drive at 40 and if it’s a 60 or 70 I WILL drive at that speed. I do this for two reasons:

  1. If I hit someone at 40 when I should be driving at 30 I could kill someone and I couldn’t live with the guilt
  2. If I hit someone at 40 when I should be driving at 30 I could kill someone and then my life is fucked with a criminal record for negligent driving or worse.

I know that no one likes driving at 30, I don’t either as it’s so slow, but it’s 30 for a reason! It’s residential, by a school, and generally providing more opportunity to end up hitting someone. But by the same token, you won’t see me doing less than 60 on a 60 road because if you can’t drive at the speed limit you shouldn’t be driving. That said, I do make exceptions for narrow and bendy country roads where you can’t see what’s coming – doing 60 then is a death wish!

But what drives me wild is being stuck behind some old prick (because these people are normally elderly) who drives along a wide, safe A road at 40mph instead of 60, creating a massive queue behind them, only to enter a 30 zone and continue going at 40! What this says to me is that you don’t want to go fast and risk killing yourself, but you’re willing to speed in residential area and risk killing someone else. This makes you a CUNT.

The limits are there for a reason. If you’re too scared to drive over 40 you shouldn’t be on the road. And if you don’t care about endangering others, you shouldn’t be on the road. It’s very easy. Stop being a cunt.

The “up your arse” wanker

As mentioned above, when it’s a 30 I’ll drive at 30. You being up my arse won’t make me go faster. In fact, it’ll make me go slower because you’re a wanker. And what is more infuriating about this is that if someone stepped out in front of me, this fucker will go into the back of my car and potentially total it. Even worse, in that scenario at a higher speed they could injure me.

It always seems to be a wanker that drives around at 50 past schools and residential areas  who will end up killing someone should a person step out in front of them. And the sad thing is that it seems with these types of people that they won’t realise until something that severe happens.

The “rich husband” wanker

My dad likes to call these women “bob-alerts”. Because it’s your typical 40-55 year old woman with dyed blonde hair in a bob cut who thinks she’s amazing driving her husband’s posh “company” car and drives like a complete fucking nutter. These women tear up behind you, weave in and out of lanes, cut people up and nearly cause accidents.

Why? Because they are in such a rush. Probably to go suck more dick and in order to find a wealthier man.

The “I can’t pull off at a reasonable speed” wanker

I think we ALL know this one. You’re sitting at the traffic lights about 8 cars back. You are desperate to get home after a long days work, it’s rush hour and these lights are part of a junction with a LONG rotation. But it’s fine because you know you should get through these lights ok.

Until the first in the queue is this wanker. The light goes green and this person waits at least 2 seconds before pulling off SO SLOWLY! So slowly in fact that it’s a fucking miracle they didn’t stall! It’s such a miracle that defies the fucking laws of the world that you could almost appreciate it if IT WASN’T SO FUCKING ANNOYING YOU FUCKING WANKER JUST FUCKING GO! GO!! FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

At worse, this wanker is the car before you. He manages to pull off so slowly that the lights are going amber  by the time they reach it, but they just manage to speed up quickly enough to get through while you’re stuck as it turns red. What. A Fucking. C**t.

The “it’s your fault” wanker

Ever been in that situation where someone cuts you up, someone pulls out in front of you, or they go in the wrong lane round a roundabout and then they start beeping and swearing at YOU?! HELL NO MOTHERFUCKER! I WILL GET OUT OF THIS CAR AND EDUCATE YOU ON THE HIGHWAY FUCKING CODE SINCE YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVEN’T READ IT AS YOU PROBABLY CAN’T FUCKING READ!!!!

Hmph.

The “Overtake always” wanker

You’re going along an A road and we confront wanker 1 – driving at 40 in a 60. Yes, he’s a fucking prick. But you always get that twat who wants to overtake at 70+…..on a bend…..on a hill…..and overtake more than one car.

Mate, you’re a prick and a soon to be dead one. Calm the fuck down and wait a few minutes instead of killing yourself and other people.

The “drunk driver” wanker

I was driving along an A road a short while ago and there was a van behind me, a gentleman driving with a child, and he was roaring up behind me before falling away, roaring up again, and weaving. I thought he was on something so gave him the chance to overtake.

A short way in the distance, when entering a residential area, I saw he weave about at such a fast speed that he mounted the kerb and almost rolled over when he tried to correct. And he had a child in the van.

If you drive under the influence, you are a cunt. Don’t do it. You will kill yourself and someone else.

 

Anyway, if you would like to watch a video of some terrible UK drivers and our amazing, flowery and brutal insults, just watch this video full of fuckery below!

Happy cunt-free driving!