October 11

Just to start, my partner is French and is living here with me in England. He’s MY foreigner and I’m his and we like it that way. Actually, he’s my frog and I’m his rosbif. I’m pretty darn happy with a guy who can’t pronounce “don’t” properly and before anyone gets the wrong idea, I LOVE his family. Being serious for a moment (enjoy, it won’t happen again for a while!), I couldn’t have been luckier to have some incredible in-laws. Since we started being together a ridiculously long time ago they have welcomed me as part of the family and been so kind to me and I love every single one of them.

However………. that isn’t to say I haven’t had to endure some dumb and annoying questions, being English so therefore different. I’m sure my frog could write a lengthy post on some of the shit he’s been asked by my family. But as this is my blog (bitch!) I’m going to talk about some of the dumb shit I’ve endured.

1) The weather

If I had a pound for every time I’ve heard how it rains ALL the time in England, I’d be rich enough to turf all the frogs out of France and make it England-Land. They’ll be a nice day in France and I’ll get “I guess you’re not used to this weather”. It will rain in France and I’ll get “This must make you feel like home”.

You are so right. Just 60 miles away we never see the sun, it is the stuff of dreams and crazy talk! When I came over here for the first time my frog had to explain what this “sunlight” was! It’s a miracle!

In fact, as I said, where his family live is pretty much 60 miles away from where I lived across the channel. We have the same. fucking. weather. And as my frog can attest, there are actually times where the weather is warmer and dryer over here on our little island than the region his family live in. I remember one summer a few years ago that was so hot it was nearing 40 degrees and we were confined to the kitchen where we could lie on the cold tiles! And as it’s far more humid here, my poor frog actually finds summers here more unbearable than in France.

But there’s really no point even trying to correct them because if I do, they give me that wry smile and that look to make it clear that they don’t believe a word I’m saying. Because they, who have never lived outside of France obviously know more about English weather than me, an English girl who had lived in England for 22 years at that point. What the fuck do I know?! And in fact, after checking, the town I come from has the same amount of rainfall than the town they come from so…… stfu maybe?

2) The food

Oh dear God I hate these conversations. All French people think their food is far superior than anyone else’s. And then there’s the stereotype that English food is awful so I have lost track of the amount of times I’ve been told how terrible my country’s food is and how much better their food is…..

I disagree.

I actually like both equally because I think a lot of feelings about food are based on the fact you were brought up with the food of your country so you have a taste for that food. You’ll notice that I’m not dissing French food. There is so much I discovered while I lived over there, like “Carbonnade” that is DELICIOUS and I miss now I’m back in England. But there was also English food I missed, like Steak pie. Where is the fucking pie over there?! I remember telling my Frenchie what pie was and he was disgusted at the idea of putting meat in pastry…. and then he moved here, fell in love with it, and now enjoys having “a pie and a pint!” :-)

Warm shepherds pie and typical things like scones with clotted cream….. these are things they never get to experience which are delicious! I love them!

I remember the wife of my frenchie’s best friend actually asking me “you do have baguettes right? And bread?”

No we don’t….. we’re the people that invented the fucking sandwich but bread never quite made it across the channel. We make our sandwiches with leaves, dirt and branches to be at one with nature and our pagan roots.

And the ones who criticise our food have maybe only been here once many years ago. Hardly enough time to judge. My Frenchie can attest to the fact that there is plenty of food here he LOVES and even his 19 year old cousin who comes to stay regularly likes a lot of English dishes.

It’s a stereotype that French people are rude arseholes. If I agreed with that after meeting one French they’d think that unfair, so maybe they can drop the ones about our food? Please. For the love of God.

3)  The politics debate

For some bizarre reason French people seem to confuse me with the prime minister and the government, not sure why exactly, because they love to tell me what we’re doing wrong. Like I’m going to turn round and say “thanks for the feedback, I’ll let Theresa know when I get home and we lunch.”

In case it wasn’t clear, I’m not Theresa fucking May. I might have very different opinions on topics than the conservatives, labour, green any of that shit have. I cannot help you with your concerns and I’m not to blame for what they do. Can’t we just enjoy the croissants in peace instead of putting me in the awkward position of spokesperson for England? Because England doesn’t want that and neither should you.

4) The “That’s so much better than yours” conversation

Let me be clear AGAIN on this one: I haven’t had this with every French person. Just some. And it’s fucking annoying.

There are things that are better in France. Things that are better in England. Shit things in France, shit in England. We can talk about it nicely. But some people just want to “one up” all the time and it’s rude. I’m not the person to try and convince that France is better than England clearly!

When I was in France, as mentioned, there were foods or things I missed and if people asked I would tell them! And now I’m in  England, there are things I miss about France and that’s ok too and I’m happy to say that also! But I’ve met French people in England who go on and on about how this is better in France, and that’s better and blah blah blah. And I think “fuck off back there then!” Give your job to another person and leave back to the place you prefer if you find it so much worse than your home country. Us brits are cool with that!

Don’t be disrespectful. You can dislike things but to be so rude in front of me just exacerbates the “french are rude” stereotype.

And before anyone gets the wrong idea, I have no problem with people of other nationalities coming to my country, working and paying taxes just like me. But if you hate it so much, you have the choice to go home and let someone here, English or otherwise, have your job. And if you want to stay, then shut up.

5) Believing I like and know everything “English”

I don’t.
Because I’m a complex human.
Like everyone else.

I may even be considered a monster by my fellow Rosbifs as I am anti-monarchy.

There you go France: Something you did better than us.

But let me just say now, this isn’t the case of every French. And there is so much more happiness and pleasure with my frog than pain! I’m very lucky to have him and his wonderful family and I look forward to having many more silly conversations with him and his family and friends!

Still though, couldn’t resist the below image.